Out Into the Nothing

I indulge once more
I give into the old craving
into the habit
the addiction

I reach up again
and grab another fruit
I pick another and another
I tear at them
gnaw and rip and gulp

Soon I'm only taking a bite each
I toss the rest to the ground
Then I don't take even one bite
Absentmindedly, I pick them and drop them

I gossip on
not caring in the least about the subject
My eyes peruse the women in the streets
flitting from one to another with each passing second
I mentally label my little corner of the world
without even any serious vanity
I curse and blaspheme constantly
but show no hint of amusement at those taken aback

The party is done with
now I'm just sprawled out on the couch
A slow death creeping through me

Passionate evil subsides
Convention takes over
A neat, black tie makes it hard to breathe
A suit limits my movements

I march and march and march
Under the trees I used to take so gleefully from
my hands rise and absently swat at those worthless treasures
Through the forest where I danced in pagan revelries
the wildest of shrines no longer interest me
Into the grave
where I feel neither relief nor fear nor pain

The dirt floor gives way
I tumble down, down, down
out of all light
away from all that is whole
I tumble into the farthest reaches of oblivion
out into the Nothing

In the end
I did neither what I ought
nor what I liked